A Pair of Idiots
by IDreamInWords
Summary: They say love is blind. But it's mostly only foolish... A collection of ficlets about a married Ranma 'n' Akane.
1. A Pair of Idiots

_**A Pair of Idiots**_

"That's it, Ranma! YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TODAY!"

And Akane bashed his pillow on his head and kicked him out of their room.

Ranma spun around furiously, intent on shoving his way back into the room and to his warm warm comfortable bed—

When she slammed the door shut, followed by lots of scraping and huffing noises, which Ranma recognized as the heavy chest of drawers settling into guard duty in front of the door. In a split-second, his plan of action was clear and he sprinted down the hallway, bounded over the stairs and was out in the backyard in the blink of an eye. He leaped to the roof and, gripping the clay-tiled eaves firmly with his toes, he let himself hang upside-down in front of his goal – the window to their bedroom, his and Akane's.

He jammed his fingertips under the window pane and was just about to push it open – locked or not – when the gleam of a moonlit thread suspended in air alerted him to something unusual on the other side of the window. He cupped his hands against the glass and peered through them and saw—

DAMN THAT TOMBOY! How _dare _she setup a string and pulley system attached to the window and suspend a bucket of surely cold cold _cold_ water right above it? AAARRGH! That sexless uncute _tomboy!_

In spite of the thick glass of pane separating them, Ranma clearly heard loud shuffling noises emanating from the dusky shadows of the room as Akane snuggled underneath what were surely _very_ warm blankets, and Ranma starkly swore to himself that he would have his revenge tomorrow.

Without any other choice, he settled himself down onto the _tiny cold scratchy _couch with just his pillow for a companion and grumbled dark imprecations and threats under his breath. Oh, she would suffer tomorrow. Oh, she would, she would, she certainly would. And then they would know who had the last laugh. Evil laughter rang in the confines of his mind as he plotted his cold dark gory revenge on the unsuspecting young woman sleeping upstairs.

Between plotting and restlessly tossing on the uncomfortable couch, Ranma finally slipped off to a somewhat blissful sleep. He snored softly and tried to slip deeper into slumber when, suddenly, he became acutely aware of a pair of eyes on him. All senses suddenly on alert, he whipped around and glared accusingly at the most unwelcome of all intruders.

"Come here to gloat, have you?" Oh, how he wished that didn't come out sounding so pouty.

Akane fidgeted, her thumbs twiddling in discomfiture, and peered out at him from under her lashes.

Oh, oh, oooh! Giving him the puppy eyes, was she? Ranma refused to bow. Narrowing his eyes at her he intensified his glare even more.

Akane tucked her chin into her neck and pushed her lower lip out.

"_Whaaaat?"_ Dammit, how did that whine get in there in his voice? Stupid Akane! Stupid puppy eyes! Stupid pouts!

Slowly, Akane moved closer to the couch and paused, her eyes bigger and shinier and— _was that a drop of tear hanging off her lashes?_ Arrgghhh! Ranma jolted up in panic, his arms flailing wildly.

"Akane," – _no, Ranma, no! Don't sound so pathetic! – _"I'm sorry…"

And Akane threw herself into his arms, taking them both down onto the couch.

"A-Akane?" Ranma stuttered, unsure, even his mental evil incarnation baffled into silence.

"Ranma…"

"What happened?"

"It's not warm enough over there." Akane sniffled and burrowed closer into his chest.

"Oh, oh…" It took Ranma a few moments to wrap his mind around the concept that the warm warm comfortable bed he had so badly desired a few minutes ago wasn't warm enough. Without him. Heh, he had always known.

"Want me to come over there and make it warm?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

Akane squeezed herself closer to him, before she mumbled, "No, I swore you would sleep on the couch today."

Ranma snorted and rolled his eyes. "Stubborn as ever, eh, tomboy?"

"Jerk."

"What are you gonna tell the kids tomorrow when they find us sleeping here?"

"I'll tell them we needed a change of scene."

Ranma couldn't help the large smile that split across his face as he tightened his arms around her and tucked her closer against him. And after that, they didn't have any trouble falling asleep on the suddenly very roomy, warm and comfortable couch.

**...**

Two pairs of knowing eyes peered down at the clueless couple sleeping on the couch, then turned to glance at each other.

Nabiki Tendo's niece gave a smug smile and held out her hand to her brother. "I told you, didn't I? Mom wasn't gonna last even fifteen minutes without Dad."

Grudgingly, the small boy fished out some candies and deposited them in his twin sister's little palm. "Keh, they're so disgusting," he pronounced, with all the wisdom of a six year old when confronted with old people and their icky mushiness.

"They're in love, baka," his sister averred, by way of explanation.

"They're idiots." And that settled the matter.

His sister couldn't help but agree.


	2. Kids These Days

_**Kids These Days**_

Akane wiggled in bed, trying to get out from under Ranma's prone form. Ugh, stupid fat jerk. She shoved against his chest, trying to wake him up. "Ranma, get up! I need to go to the bathroom."

Ranma snored loudly and shuffled a bit to plant himself more firmly on top of his beloved wife.

Akane gagged. Here she was, barely able to hold it in, and he was _ignoring_ her? He was doing this on purpose, she just _knew_ it! "Ranma, you buffoon, get UP!" She braced her palms on his chest and pushed _hard_, trying to make him budge.

Ranma merely brought up his arm and scratched his head, mumbling incoherently.

His dear wife exploded. "ARRRGHHH! _Stupid insensitive pigheaded perverted freeloading—"_

Ranma grinned to himself. Oh, kick him out of the bedroom, would she? Make him sleep on the couch, would she? And then make gooey eyes at him and climb into the couch with him, would she? Oh, he would show her who's the boss. Oh, she would _know_ not to mess with him. Oh, Ranma Saotome would not be laid low so _easily_ by a thick-waisted _tomboy!_ Ha, ha, HA! _Revenge_ was so _delicious!_

"—_jerk!_ I am gonna pee on you, _right here!"_

Wait, what? What, what, WHAAAT?

"Yaargh! Yuck, you foul tomboy!" In the blink of an eye, Ranma cowered in the opposite corner of the room, protecting himself from the heinous fate of being peed upon.

Akane sat up and smiled sweetly at him. "Thank you, Ranma." And she scrambled off the bed and hightailed it to the bathroom.

Five minutes later, she returned to the room to find Ranma sulking on the bed and glaring at her.

"I hate you," he glowered.

"Me too," she glowered.

They huffed and plopped into bed facing away from each other.

**...**

Across the hallway, two little kids rolled their eyes, listening to their parents bicker.

Little Aiiro turned to his sister and groused, "Do they even care that there are two kids across the hallway who may be traumatized to hear their parents fight?"

Little Ichigo turned to her brother and deadpanned, "Are you sure _we_ are the kids in this house?"

Aiiro snorted and rolled over, muttering his favorite insult under his breath, "Idiots."

Ichigo smiled. "Shh, dear, do mind your language, or the kids across the hallway will learn _another_ bad word."

They sniggered.


End file.
